Seems..sumone has pen dwn my life!

The more I try to understand life the more it perplexes me, the more I try to understand people the more they confuse me, the more I try to have friends the more strangers I come across. It’s been years! Yes years!

My coterie of friends and there ever demanding need for my time, support and company. I can give them but then they don’t need it. Yes they don’t need it. It’s a self created necessity which can be satiated with their own perennial resources. I think its time when I decide what I want and who wants me!! A question as confusing as the questioner himself. For certain people I’m not required, yes I’m not but I still hang on in their life with those last threads which are awaiting their peril. I want them to break now. This slowly killing pace is killing me softly. Everyday when I think I can hang on, a thread breaks. It leads no where.

The new relationships waiting at the anvil are a gimmick that life is putting to me. To get into a relationship only to drop out of it is not what I desire in life. I’m not devil’s own knight man, who is here to bestow people with the slings n arrows of their outrageous fortune. I desire to bring a smile on every man I come across; I desire to make every soul serene with my company and friendship; I desire to walk along the treacherous path making their journey simpler and smoother. I desire, I desire…..

Spring......

A new chapter is about to begin, will be moving to Cleveland coming Sunday to start my internship. At this last weekend of semester in this so called "Dead Week" before the exams, somehow I have all the time in world to write this blog.....

As always, I am surrouded by no. of feelings, thoughts and emotions. So many things happened in last couple of weeks. Starting through my interview process - I have been in few relations before and have my share of moments of patience, eagerness and anxiety but I tell you none of the girls in my life had ever been match to the feeling my HR has made me go through, Man....killing it was, my eyes were freezed with the inbox , heartbeats wid phonecalls but finally the phase went well, got the gud news...now looking forward to real game begininng next Monday...

Next, my bestest friend is most probably leaving for India, from the moment I have realised that I don't know what feeling is making me so hollow. I don't how I am gonna survive, this careless stupid bugger is going to be sick soon. I have never come across a friend who keep reminders for my assignments, who compiles my codes, who writes my reports, who listens my senseless thoughts and bears my insensible anger. Even a single thought shivers me inside out but then I feel happy too in some sense, she is going to be her with family,, wid her loved one's...she has been through a lot in this last 8-9 months, she deserves and needs the love and time of her family n friends. I know she will be happy as soon she lands there and will come back fully charged up to bear me again :) , already started missing u buds :( :(

Moving on, I am again fighting with me, don't know why and what is happening to me and my world, people I know most, people I care most are leaving me and me with all this evergreen tag of smiling, flexible guy always ready to start fresh is getting strength to say its fine...let it be whatever it is, it hurts, it pains especially when someone you count most from your from childhood ans. as may be or may be not... but then as u rightly said..sabki apni life hai...sab jaane. Fair enuf.... still please donot behave like this, it hurts big time.

Lastly, a very very sweet note of thanks to an unknown friend. Truly, I have become one of the ardest fan of your intelliegence, how can anyone have even guts to look at that scary book and solve those creepy problems which you are seeing for the first time. M floored, thank you seems so small for same, if I ever got a chance in my life to do something anything related with you or your world, wont let you down I promise. Take good care of yourself, immense wishes.

Other than all this, no. of exams and projects came and go, I never gave them any importance as such and they too have not replied me in kind manner...so not feeling like mentioning. Over all....thoda sa hasa ke..thoda sa rula ke...ye sem bhi jaane wala h.....


Feeling sleepy now....

Love...

Its al about "YOU".......

My most treasured belongings....my all time favorites.....mostly help me to breathe easy.......

1. I dont know what madness is this which drives my soul to do stuff which are beyond myself...

2. I had not only build but also found strength in You during Happy Hours but this bond of ours also forged in bitter n painful experiences...

3. I know, You can reach your own SELF (Latest one... :))

4. How can you say U will not be able to do it..if U have simply not tried your best....Tell Me!

5. Buddy go beyond ur limits n emerge as achiever as U always r....

6. Tum Paagal Ho..... ( ye ye ye... :) :))

7. If we make, we will be one of the most sweetest pair of Universe....!! (mah personal favorite)

8. It seems it was only "Yesterday" when we met and became friends....


4th April 09, after a long day job...little tired...little tensed with the way lyf treating dese days...wondering abt myself...abt some of the imp phases of my life...when i really changed frm that careless cricket crazy guy....to be a litte better...why I am here...what made me come here....thought here n dere.....is it Money, Career, Fame....may b...may b not...not sure...I thought abt it I guess wen I ws in 3rd sem...I wasnt having that mch brain den (i dnt claim to hav even nw :P), Oh yeah....!!! one sweet stupidity tickled dis thought in me way back...one stupid girl...who was dancing on my brain day n night..made me turn n twist upside dwn...smhw I knew I will be marrying her...yep..true...typical teenage foolish thinking...n I also knew my parents wont ever alow dat (vch ironically didnt turn out to b true, I m hoping so :)), so going thru al brain storming n getting messed up thinking abt love, life and equally abt parents...dey getting bombarded with all silly comments frm al over the wrld (neighbor, relative etc...)..n wat m really doing a simple btech from a nominal colege (vch dese days r mre easy to do than anything)....scary it ws to even think abt it... ladka tha hi nalayak, padhna likha hai nahi....bas yeh sab karwa lo....padhai karne bheja tha...dekh lo ab...Lo jiii.....room pe baithe baithe hi....all love dreams, castles doomed :( :(.

The only way that my crook mind can come up at dat time was to do something which no one in my family have ever done...do something fantabalous...do something before asking for anything...I m so grateful to her...that thought shaped my life....whereever that Girl is today, is the biggest contributer of what I am....some portion also go to my Bro....who always wanted to do MS bt never ever b able to do...so wanted to live his dream as well...bt Ladki ne to bawaal hi kar rakha tha Life main...Truly that was the best phase of my Life, how I started taking challenges..how I started improving myself....how I started preparing for tomorow!

Was feeling so rough today...feeling better now.....few souls are simply blessed...even mere thought f dem...help u come out f blues...I know I am nt as gud as U in writing...bt this is fr U frm Me....

I wish I ever be able to Love You more than I Respect You....
Miss U.....


Ladooo!

The Worst Phase Of My Life.....

How wrong one can be...How much one can hate to be what he is...How terrible he can make life of his family n "real" frnds...How much he can trouble himself....How many opportunities he can miss..How much he can hurt himself... How much???????????

It was indeed the worst phase of my life I ever came across....I took the worst decisions...relied on all wrong relations....counted on all wrong people...there was just nothing that I can see right around n about me.Today, lying on bed, thinking abt some old bad days just thought to put this in words to make me realize Ami...Please be wiser to understand people, dere thinking n in making ur decisions..

November 2008...Students going mad..trying for funding, projects, grades, challenging life to the best they can...n here I was doing the biggest shit ever...first time in my life I was just not me...making mockery of myself..my dreams..my family...and above all of my own imagination..I have never counted on anything ever in my life more than my own imagination..n first time I realized Yes, I can be wrong too.., a full time Self Lover was hating his own image aaah....it kills bt on the cntrary nw actualy I feel good, I realized it sooner in my life...just 22 years :)

Evrything was wrong at tat time..bestest f friends turning their faces off...best one frm my childhood said - ur life dude...u take care f it.. :), othr vry sweetly said...do wat u feel lik... :O :O, I was never so helpless..I ws never so dejected...n wid no one else bt wid ME...I ws searching me dwn smwhr..n after all the mind boggling...nw I smile at same n feel how important it is to make right decisions in life, Ami learn to recognize people arund...I keep saying dis to myself n al my frnds around time n again...Hopefuly, I learn dat too.

Evrything wil pas away except my faith, my belief...I have changed almost al the things related wid same....Got my frnds back...made new frnds...did well although in patches only....heartly grateful to few frnds who helped me move ahead...n to a very dear friend who has rightly said b4 I left to US...Amit - This is Going to Be The Journey of your Lifetime and it really is turning out to be same...Thank you for bringing peace in my life, I truly missed it....This world has many faces and I ws lucky enuf to encounter one of the ugly shades f same so soon...I generally dnt regret wat I do but I wish I can erase that part frm my life...I really wish!

All, plz donot comment on this one...dis s only fr me, Yes I was wrong n a frndly blog fr U all, people around U bite, BEWARE! Bt, Yes I m nt gonna give up.....

Ke mar ke bhi, kisi ko yaad aayenge
Kisi ke aansuon men muskuraayenge...... :'( :'( ... :) :)

See U all Soon Again.....
Love n Prayers!

Journey ….JSS to GeorgiaTech!

What it feels like to be the first student from the College to get selected in one of United States Top Five Universities…How it feels like to sit among the Professors whose books you have only seen in Reference Section...How it thrills you to work on the sexiest technology available…How it excites you to swim in the same splash where Olympic divers made their jumps(1996).. How it takes on u to spend time with yourself so distant frm all the people u know, far frm all the wrld u have evr been…Answer can be everything for someone and nothing for someone else…it al depends wat u really want to do n wat all sources r available to fulfill that…but the bigger question is did u really exploited all wat is available??? The best word I can give u right nw is Don’t evr b LAZY....n it nt actually means being nt lazy in submitting ur assignments…n in taking care f ur marks or anything ..dnt b evr lazy in finding wat best u can do ..dnt b ever lazy in finding wat u r good at….dnt b ever lazy in finding wat makes u go one step closer to ur dreams..ur family..ur love….

Did u evr think hw many month savings it wil take to buy a 2 room flat in the city u r studying ..i assure number wil scare u as much it did to me…plz do start thinking abt it…People here say ur fame at shot starts once u reach the US- land of opportunites…I don’t realy agree it may or may not…. ur shot at fame of starts wen u realize..what really fame is for you…what satisfies u the most.. n I knw fulilling that gonna b hell f a wrk…but then no one evr promised u that this gonna be easy…u have to do it urself..no other way..U need to work it out..ultimately its ur career.. ur lyf…n u hav to take the steps…finally it is the God who plays the game but He wants u to throw the dice or else He cant do anything…learn to anticipate in lyf..what really the wrld wants frm u, b it ur Professor, ur frnd, HR or anyone..people here want to hear what dey want to… do just that…things wil change...

Learn to take right decisions..after al the hardwrk...it is ur choices that sets u apart...or else I gurantee, u wil b only sitting smwhre alone, talking to some cranky lappy screen n gettng frustated dat your orkut status is still 'single' evn after 22yrs f existence... :) :)

See u all in next blog.....
Tata (if sum1 says 'birla' and feel proud f it den dude...God bless u :) :))